Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
