hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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