i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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