remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
