Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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