tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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