I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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