I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
