Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
