I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize