and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
