I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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