Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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