wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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