There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
