Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
