david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
