Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
