Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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