Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize