Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
