I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
