New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The air was thick with penises
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
