i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
