haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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