We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
