I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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