Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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