I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
