The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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