I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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