The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize