Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
