I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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