Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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