Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
