So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
