having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
