Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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