You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
