That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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