he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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