Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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