So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
