Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
