sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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