By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
