What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize