i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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