I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
