Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
