Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
