I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
