a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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