The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
