my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then my night got REAL pukey
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A bitchslap is in order.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
