The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
