so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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