I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it glows. i had to have it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
