morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
