Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
