Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
