i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
