spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
