I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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