I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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