Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
