my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
