Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
