Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
