she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
