Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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