He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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