my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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