I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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