my phone needs a breathalizer
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
