it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i dont even know how to be here
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize