That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
