Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
honey bunches of taint.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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