I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
