so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
