Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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