in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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