This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
