Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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