i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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