Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
