smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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